Aladdin, Rub My Lamp – the adult panto!
Directed by James Chalmers
1 – 31 December 2015
The Back Room of The Star Inn, Quarry Street, Guildford
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful Princess, who lived in Old Peking. We wanted to set it in Banging-cock because the jokes would be smuttier, but the Panto Union wouldn’t allow such a radical location change. Back to the story…
The Princess’ father, the Emperor, wanted her to marry a rich man, but her needs were a bit more ‘demanding’ than mere financial wealth. She needed real ‘fulfillment’. If you catch our drift…
Aladdin was a poor washerwoman’s son, who lived with his mother, Widow Wanky, in – and this, honestly, won’t come as a surprise – a laundry. He was a bit short of experience in the whole bedroom gymnastics department, too. If only he could become rich enough to build a huge palace for the Princess. An impressive erection like that would be bound to win her over.
The Evil Abanazar was a grumpy old sod, hell-bent on buggering up everyone’s day just for shits and giggles. He’s more power-crazed than Putin, but not such a homophobic git.
Anyway, there’s a couple of genies, a cave, more gold than a Mr T lookalike competition, and a lamp that gets rubbed more times than a teenage boy’s ‘junk’ when he first discovers pornography.